Ain't Kosher
by tailored shirt-tails
Summary: "Her list of annoyances was too long for Puck to count, not that he would try because, dude, that required effort and Puck didn't have time for all that. " The inner ramblings and thoughts of a juvenile delinquent and his thoughts on a certain loud-mouthed, opinionated, big-nosed Jewish girl. Rated T for Puck's mouth.


**I thought I'd try something a little different from what I normally write. **

**All reviews are appreciated. **

**I do not own Glee. **

Puck sat alone in the choir room, trying to work through all the thoughts in his head. His mind was racing with thoughts, thoughts that he almost wished he didn't have. Not having them would not only clear his conscience, but also leave him relaxed enough to not want to punch Finn in the throat every time he saw the overly tall, and still overly clumsy, teen.

But having these thoughts were what kept him motivated. They were what kept him from making his life a complete fucked up mess. Well, what was left of it anyway.

He was a fuck up. He knew that. He was probably dropped on his head as a child, which left him brain-damaged enough to make him fuck his best-friend's girl and manage to get her preggers. Yeah, he was a complete, utter, no doubt about it fuck-up.

But Puck knew he was wrong. And he apologized and prayed and asked for forgiveness and all that religious shit. That shit may not be kosher, but at least he tried to fix it with the big man upstairs.

After going through all that bullshit these past two years, Puck was trying to do the same damn thing. Except instead of a blonde cheerleader, Puck wanted the short, loud-mouthed Jewish chick. Sure, she was annoying and overbearing and loud and opinionated on EVERYTHING having to do with performing arts, and did Puck mention loud? Her list of annoyances was too long for Puck to count, not that he would try because, dude, that required effort and shit and Puck didn't have time for all that.

But she was nice, sometimes (You don't just send someone to a crack house and expect someone to call you nice. Even if it wasn't an operating crack house). And she was understanding, kinda. Okay so make she had like no redeeming qualities except that she could sing. Man, that girl could sing. And her nose. It was the only thing that made her stand out as a fellow Jew, other than her Star of David necklace, but she always wore that under her shirt anyway. But that nose would be the first thing his mom would look for if he brought her home.

His mom would be proud of him for bringing Rachel home. Sure, his mom knew Finnessa and Rachel were dating, but she wouldn't be too upset at him stealing Finn's girl, but only because Rachel was Jewish. And honestly, Puck's mom always suspected Finn of doing weed or some other dumbass shit, because, really and truly, who is always that dopey and stupid? Other than Brittany?

But the real problem was not that Rachel was Finnocence's girl, or that Rachel didn't put out (what? guys talk). It was that Puck had never liked a girl before. Puck didn't think girls were cute or adorable. Chicks were always grouped into 3 categories: hot, okay, and ugly. It was pretty straightforward. Quinn fell into the 'okay' category, but she was the forbidden fruit, which boosted her up like 10 notches. Santana fell into the 'hot' category, not really because she was hot, but she could do this thing with her tongue that drove Puck insane. But now Brittany was getting that tongue and that made Puck sad, but it was okay because Brittany wasn't that hot anyway, so a threesome was like out of the question. The only good thing about Brittany was that she was super fucking flexible.

Rachel always kind of fell into her own category. Like, she was hot, but she was super annoying and her voice grated on Puck's nerves. But those legs, and those short skirts with the knee-highs made Puck feel like he was 12 and about to cream his pants from seeing his first pair of boobs.

Here were the facts: Rachel was hot. Rachel was annoying. Rachel belonged to Finn. Finn was a dumbass. Puck wanted Rachel.

That pretty much summed up everything in Puck's mind. He wanted Rachel. He thought he might have a "crush" on her, But badasses didn't have crushes. And Puck was a badass. Yeah, he liked Rachel and sure, he wanted her. But that didn't change the face that she was Finn's and Puck would just have to wait in the sidelines for Finn to fuck up so he could put the moves down on Rachel. Puck refused to steal another one of Finn's girls.

'Cause that shit ain't kosher.


End file.
